This epic series (Made by the guys who brought you Doom, kids) enchanted my early gaming years. Granted I only ever played the shareware episodes, it still turned out to be countless hours of fun.
My earliest memories of Commander Keen were watching my Dad play “Marooned on Mars”. The first episode of the “Invasion of the Vorticons” trilogy. He played it on his computer in his office, which was shiny and new and had one of the most amazing monitors ever. (Sony Trinitron, Superb monitors back in the day) I would sit on a bean bag or just hang out on the floor. Pointing out secrets and secretly being super frustrated with how much trouble Dad was having controlling Keen… It can’t be that hard… right?
So, Keen (Billy Blaze, apparently related to BJ Blazkowicz from Wolfenstein) Green Bay Packers helmet wearing 8 year old, is on Mars trying to gather parts to repair his space ship and get home before bed time. Dodging aliens and collecting musical key-cards that open doors of the same color. Being a Pepsi family we were thrilled with the score collectibles. Pizza, Pepsi, Candy and Teddy Bears… you really can’t go wrong any of those things. Of course Keen wanted to collect it all! Now, how all that stuff got on Mars, the world may never know.
Now, all of this sounds challenging right? I mean, think about it. You’re on Mars, which is like 40% of the gravity of earth. So that explains why Keen can jump so high and whatnot. But imagine shooting aliens and collecting more candy than any kid can possibly eat and doing all of that on a Pogo stick. Yes the comical adventure of Billy on Mars is made even more fun/maddening/complicated/difficult/rewarding once you obtain the amazing Pogo!
Eventually you work your way across the surface of Mars, gather your parts, learn from secret alien monuments in special caves, collect all the junk food, jump – a lot, and kill the bad guy.
Keen makes it home in time for bed. Not without realizing that there is a giant crazy alligator head ship perched precariously near earth. Setting the stage for Keen II, which I didn’t get to see until I was well into my 30s.
I eventually got my hands on the game myself, and I quickly learned that controlling Keen is not quite the walk in the park I assumed it would be as I watched my Dad struggle.
Platformers maybe aren’t my favorite genre, but I don’t hate them. I don’t generally have this many issues controlling a character. Keen I, II and III are all built in the same engine and are quite a challenge. By the time ‘Goodbye Galaxy’ came out the controls were far more forgiving. Speaking of…
A year after my first foray into the world of Keen, the good ol’ folks at ID dropped the sequel duology “Goodbye Galaxy”. The first game being “The Secret of the Oracle”, the second being “The Armageddon Machine” which I have not yet had the pleasure of playing. The graphics were more sophisticated, the gameplay was much easier to control and the secrets were plentiful. In this game Keen rescues a bunch of Old Monk guys in an attempt to find out just how destroyed the galaxy will be when whoever the bad guys are do whatever bad thing it is they plan to do. (Okay, here, have more story if you want…)
This game brought about the ridiculous and amazing Dopefish which has had a legacy almost more popular than that of Keen himself.
My friend was able to discover one of the secrets in the pyramid full of Inch Worms… there seem to him to be lots of inches… they didn’t hurt you and followed you around.
Allow enough inch worms to gather around your feet and Blam! You have a giant foot. Get it? Inch, Foot, haha… okay – I enjoy corny jokes like this, sue me.
There were other Keen games like “Keen Dreams” which falls outside the canon of Keen I believe, and ‘Aliens ate my Babysitter’ which was supposed to top the “Goodbye Galaxy” trilogy but was instead made its own game. I’ve played each of these a teensie bit, but not to the length of “Marooned on Mars” and “Secret of the Oracle”.
So many fond memories from this game series, I was among those dismayed at Bethesda’s announcement that the “Keen” games would be revived as a random weird mobile game. I am relieved to read that perhaps that project has, quite wisely, been cancelled. Perhaps they consulted an oracle. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I also want to take this moment to mention that a fair chunk of the game play above was played in an engine called ‘Commander Genius’ which allows you to play Keen in 16:9 ratio with high frame rate and with modern controllers. It really makes the game smooth and if you would like to enjoy this game in 2020 or beyond – I very highly recommend this project. Not only that but it has multiplayer support and a whole host of other awesome things. So check it out!
Last but not least, The awesome smartwatch that Keen wears in “Goodbye Galaxy” has a pong inspired game called ‘PaddleWar!’ that I spent far more hours playing than I really care to admit publicly to the internet. Also, how forward thinking of these guys to include that – or – how awesome is it that we’re finally catching up to the ‘futuristic’ visions from the past?
As this day and thus this review draws to an end I want to strongly encourage you to add this game to your retro game bucket list – you will be glad you did. And hey, throw some love at the Commander Genius folks doing great things for the love of one of my favorite games of all time.
You have a good one, stay safe friend!
-NG
